atkins: the most effective terrorist creation yet

written at 9:37 p.m. on 06.22.04

Yar. The itch in my hand tells me it's time to design something new for tiggersnail. I've watched countless people get diary makeovers in the several months I've had this "don't eat that banana" thing going. Sure, it's functional and the picture is freakin awesome. Still, I do believe this is the longest time I have ever stuck to one design... and it's killing me. In fact, check it out! I wrote an entry back in January about the fact that this design was never going to last. Well, I proved myself wrong! Gasp! I'm never wrong. I suddenly feel extremely ill. Umm.. I wasn't wrong. That's a mispring. Some virus is infecting your computer and skewing my words. My perfect words which are never wrong cuz I'm never wrong.

So, anyone got any ideas for designs? I'm working on enough designs over here. By golly, I don't feel like thinking up another one.

Actually, I met a lady at work last night who does printing, advertisements, and web design and stuff. The name of her company is similar to the name of the bookstore I work at, so she swapped business cards with the owner and blah blah. Meanwhile, I stalkerishly jotted down her email address from the business card (it was left on the counter) and plan to ask her if she got any training for it and, if so, where it was she got this training. My dad suggested that I ask her about internships, too.

Hey, oddly enough, after I mentioned that I wound up on a Mary Kate Olsen search at Google, I found out some interesting news about her on ye olde TV today. She's "seeking professional help for an eating disorder, presumably anorexia." Yeah, like I said yesterday, I've been watching the news a lot more than usual lately, what with ABC being the only channel I get "clearly." I also got sucked into the soap opera "All My Children." Don't ask why. It was on after the news and it was entertaining to try and guess what the people actually looked like, since I only get the distorted top half of their foreheads. I guess the gripping storyling was exactly that.. gripping! What with Erica being a coward and Bianca mourning the loss of her baby and Babe's mother stealing Bianca's baby so that Babe would be happy and J.R. planning Babe's doom.. What will happen next?! Oh yeah, and some guy won for the fifteenth day in a row on Jeopardy. He's really quite amazing. He's kinda quirky too. When he gets a Daily Double, and if his total so far is like $12,400, he'll wager $2,600, so if (and when) he wins, he'll wind up with a nice even number. It's very predictable and quite humorous.

Enough about that. I had the worst case of ... something ... today. I could not, for the life of me, figure out if today was Tuesday or Wednesday. I woke up after noon and was convinced that it was Wednesday and that I was going to be late for work. By the time I ate and showered, I thought it was Tuesday. I honestly stood in front of the mirror for ten minutes, trying to figure out what day it was. I know, there are a billion ways to figure that out. I was determined I could do this by myself. I eventually decided that it was Tuesday, and if not, I would be getting a call in about an hour, my boss wondering where I was. Fortunately, my mom called thirty minutes later from work to talk about something, and I sheepishly asked her to confirm that it was indeed Tuesday.

Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Did I mention that I think I have social anxiety disorder? I also think I have a mild case of schizophrenia. I'm extremely absent-minded, but that can't be helped. I think I'm losing my memory. Maybe I'm losing my mind. I don't know. My mom suggested that I see a psychologist a long time ago. I believe I ranted about that. Yup, here it is. Anyway, I'm thinking maybe all this time to myself is what's killing me. I've started arguing with myself, spending hours just sitting on my bed thinking, reading countless books, and filling my mind with useless information on celebrities and their dogs. Ok, I actually haven't learned anything about celeb dogs lately, but.. That's another thing. I keep correcting myself, assuming that if I don't do it, someone else will, and then I'll feel stupid.

Obviously, I should not be left alone for so many weeks in a row. Either this is my mind's way of telling me I need to break out of this dull existence, or I've totally gone bonkers.

Oh hey! I totally was going to rant about Atkins today! Guess what?! The news did it for me. Apparently, low-carb diets are bad for you!! Gasp!! Imagine that! Who would've guessed?! Eliminating essential nutrients is bad for you?! More exclamation points!!! Seriously though, I'm excited that somebody managed to figure this out. Someone with access to ABC7News. I can rest in peace. The world has been notified that Atkins sucks. I didn't even have to lift a finger. Bread-makers across America are praising the Lord, as they should be. All the bad-tasting food Atkins has created was honestly pushing me in a suicidal direction. A world without good food.. Well, that's a serious problem.

On a similar note, eating a certan amount of dark chocolate every day helps reduce the amount of bad cholesterol or something good like that. I heard this from my mom, so it's either a chocoholics fantasy come true, or she heard it somewhere reliable. I can't remember the exact amount, but I do remember my dad figuring out that it was the size of one candy bar. So, today I put Dove dark chocolate candy bars on the Sam's Club list. I know, better chocolate exists, and as a chocoholic, I should be pickier, but then again.. should I? I appreciate most chocolate, except Nestle. Can't stand that crap, except for their Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips and their break-apart cookie dough. Hershey's is decent, and Dove's not bad either. The nice thing about Hershey or Dove chocolate is the price tag. Cheap isn't necessarily bad. That's why I shop at Target!

We interrupt that flimsy attempt at advertising to bring you this commercial. John Frieda's Brilliant Brunette shampoo and conditioner is "da bomb." Seriously. Angie advertised it way back in the day, and I really wanted to try it, but I had to wait until I finished up my gigantasaurus-sized bottles of Amplify. (Mind you, Amplify is really nice shampoo. I'm not sure it actually does what it says and adds volume to your hair. In fact, I'm sure it doesn't do that. My hair is thick on its own and no thicker with Amplify. But the stuff smells heavenly and leaves your hair really healthy.) OK, back to Brilliant Brunette. This stuff actually does what it says it will do. Today was my second day using the stuff, and I already noticed improved color and lots of healthy-looking shine. It's also smoother and nicer-feeling. I sound corny, but I'm just being honest. Fellow brunettes, give the stuff a shot. It's not too expensive either. (Yay again for cheap, good stuff!)

Now back to your regularly-scheduled rambles.

Derr.. I forgot what I was going to say. Oh. I went to Red Robin with my family on Father's Day. Let's just say I was less than impressed. The food wasn't great, and my sandwich came with guacamole on it, though that wasn't mentioned in the menu. Umm.. ew. Maybe it was just a bad experience, but I think I'll stick to my favorites.. Chili's and Friday's. Always good food there. Oh, and did I mention that Chili's always has hot waiters? Always. I've never seen an ugly person work there. I don't think they're allowed to discriminate either, so it's just something about all that good food that turns them all into some of the sexiest people in town. Heh.. Melody should work there. (Yeah, only people who know her will understand that. Oh well.)

Well then, I think that's enough rambles for tonight. I'm off to try to catch up on some favorite diaries now. Or maybe I'll finish up those designs, eh Lauren? Or maybe I'll be selfish and work on my own design! Bwa ha ha. Hey, I haven't ended in traditional tiggersnail style in quite some time. For old times' sake..

I'm off to see the wizard!