spam: not good for eating or for emailing

written at 3:25 p.m. on 05.26.03

Yar. I'm not ready at all for either one of my exams tomorrow. Yeah, chemistry is easy for me, but only if it's math-related. Bible, on the other hand, is gonna be hard since I don't have the notes to the essay. I can't even find the essay question. Time to pick up the phone and call life-saving Allisock or Shazoney.

Guess what I found out today? I'm still subscribed to Seventeen! Bleck! I think I enjoyed it when I was fifteen, but now that I am seventeen, I find it extremely shallow and a pathetic waste of time. Allow me to pick apart this magazine... (NOTE: If you are offended by ranting, or if you are emotionally attached to the magazine "Seventeen," or if you find yourself falling asleep at any point in reading this entry, please wear pink. Your compliance with this request ensures that I can easily spot you wherever I go, and can therefore avoid breathing any of your contaminated air.)

The following is my rant about Seventeen magazine:

The front cover: All text is pink. This screams girliness to me, which I detest. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for showing some femininity, but everything from the layout to the font just oozes junior-high-ish grossities. Furthermore, the cover also pictures "Charlie's Angels." My goodness, the first movie wasn't anything to sneeze at, so why must it be re-hashed?! Oh well, they have every right to humiliate themselves, I suppose.

The inside: Every other page is an ad for something I "need." Hold up, I don't need 200 shades of eyeshadow, or any other cosmetic product for that matter. Also, I refuse to believe that I'll ever look as pretty and happy as the models by spending 3 billions dollars on clothes. Hair coloring isn't my thing, and I'm quite happy with my current shampoo and conditioner. So, fifty percent of the magazine already is crap that I don't want to look at and/or pay for.

The inside again: Fashion tips? Good gravy! Who the heck really wears the clothes they advertise? Sure they look great on the runway models, but you never see them standing next to their best friend who's sporting a four-year-old sweatshirt with tattered jeans. The model would then look ridiculous! What ever happened to sensible people? Where did they all go? Why am I stuck here on earth without them?!

The inside again again: Who the heck cares that some fifteen-year-old can't understand her boyfriend? Why would I sympathize with the twenty-year-old whose bathing suit fell off when she was trying to impress her "crush"? Nothing has any relevance to real life today. Sure there's a little corner dedicated to charity/volunteer stuff, but the whole fakeness of the rest of the magazine kinda makes everything real seem hypocritical.

The back cover: Legally Blonde again? The first movie was funny, yes, a movie that I even own. HOWEVER, there can be too much of a good thing, so there can definitely be too much of a not-quite-good-enough-to-be-called-good thing.

Enough ranting about the poor helpless magazine. I'll just have to stop sitting around complaining and start my own magazine.

Ew, it smells like spam. And yes I do know what spam smells like. In fact, I even know what it tastes like, unfortunately. Yes, that probably explains a lot about me. My mother did force the family to eat spam every time we had macaroni and cheese. My dad wouldn't eat macaroni and cheese without some meat, so my mom must've figured that spam was meat. Yeah, it's not. It's the grossest excuse for food that I can think of. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating, but the stuff is disgusting. It made me gag more than once. But enough talk of this. I'm making myself sick... and I've thrown up way to many times lately.

Well, I'm off to find something to spray in my room to remove the nasty smell of spam. Oh yeah, and then there's some studying to be done at some point or another. Seeing as to how my mom turned off the internet just now, I guess this entry will just get posted way way way later today. Patience is a virtue, or so they say.