the night that cookie was kidnapped

written at 2:04 a.m. on 01.23.05

Jenna woke me up at 5pm yesterday, peering over my bed to ask, "Rachel! Are you still sick?" Startled awake, it took several seconds for me to gain any form of conscious intelligence. After finally gathering my thoughts, I answered, "Yes, which is why I'm still in bed. What time is it, anyway?" Jenna kindly told me the time of day (night, I suppose). I was completely caught off guard by the lateness of the hour, which caused all remaining effects of sleepiness to vanish in an instant. Scrambling into a sitting position, I hurriedly planned out the remaining hours of my day with Jenna, since we had planned on doing laundry, reading through the end of Exodus, and being productive. Since getting ready to go eat dinner required more time and energy than I had available to spare, the ordering of pizza commenced.

The actual phone call with the woman at Pizza Hut was rather humorous, since I have a cold at the moment. She asked my name at some point, and when I answered, "Rachel," she responded, "Rico?" I heard my correct name, since my hearing has been affected by the illness, and responded, "Yes, ma'am." The woman then said, "Well, Rico, you sound a little girly."

The situation was eventually smoothed out, and my correct name was established and confirmed. But the tone in the woman's voice as she said that to me has had me chuckling all night.

The aforementioned pizza was acquired shortly after Jenna and I began our reading session. After meeting the pizza guy in the lobby of Gilbert Hall, we walked to my room to watch How to Deal. I remember that movie being a better film than the one I witnessed tonight. Christine, my RA, joined Jenna and I in this experience, and all three of us were highly disappointed with the lack of good entertainment provided by Mandy Moore and her co-stars.

When the movie ended, Jenna and I returned to reading, only to be interrupted by a phone call from Boy. Jenna picked up the phone, playing the role of the secretary for Monik and I. Boy revealed to Jenna that he planned to abduct me at 10pm. With this knowledge, Jenna and I read until 9:30. She then left to watch another movie with some friends, and I showered and dressed for the day. 9:30am would have been a more appropriate time for such things, but, alas, such was not the case.

Around ten o'clock, Boy, along with Pimp, Ben, and Jody, arrived in my suite to find me still blow-drying my hair. I asked if we were going somewhere, and Boy affirmed my fears. We were going to a location of undisclosed whereabouts. I scrambled to put on socks and shoes, following my good friends across campus, confused by this mystery.

Instead of going directly to Boy's van, the group made a quick stop on Club. There, I was informed that I was married to Coleman by the man himself. His announcement took me off guard, as did the news that Camshaft would not be joining us on this adventure.

I took a few minutes to wander the hallway, visiting my many friends on the floor. Then, the original group moved outdoors and to Boy's van. I sat in my "throne," as is customary. (Boy has no real seats in the back of his van. There is, however, a portion of a sectional couch secured in the back corner of the van. This seat has been dubbed "the throne" and is reserved for me, "the Princess.")

Distracted by the company of good friends, my panic subsided, and I paid little attention to anything outside the van. I did, however, snap back to reality in time to see that Boy was pulling into the entrance of Texas Roadhouse, one of my favorite restaurants, despite its affiliation with a certain state. I exclaimed, "Oo, yay! I love this place!" Seconds later, Boy maneuvered the vehicle to the right, where my eyes rested upon a yellow roof bearing the name, "Waffle House." I gasped in horror and stopped my exclamation of glee. "NO! No, no, no, no, no! We are not going here. This is a mistake. Turn around. I refuse to eat here. You are insane! Y'all are cruel! Grrrrr.. I repeat, I am not entering this place of nastiness! You can't make me!"

Despite much resistance on my part, I did indeed enter into and dine at Waffle House. I am ashamed and mortified. Never again will I allow myself to be so trusting of these people.

After my torture was over, we returned to campus with the intent of watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. We stopped at Tyler Hall so Jody could run up to Club to grab the DVD. Boy was then supposed to drive to Gilbert Hall, seeing that I am the usual provider of the DVD player. (My DVD player weighs all of a pound and is therefore relatively portable.) For unknown reasons, he forgot to stop at my dorm, passing Gilbert and Thomas Halls. Ben and I notified Boy of his mistaked, after which Boy swung the vehicle around, drove up onto the sidewalk in front of Thomas Hall, took a left at the sidewalk leading to the back entrance of Gilbert Hall, and parked.

Doubled over in laughter, I went to my room and grabbed the DVD player, returning to the van in as little time as possible. (Security probably wouldn't approve of driving on sidewalks.) Boy then drove completely across campus on sidewalks, driving over a small area of grass to enter into the desired parking lot. I almost fell out of the van when getting out because I was laughing so incredibly hard.

I have rambled to long about these incidents. The movie was great. Elijah Wood was as gorgeous as ever. Meagan and Neal were watching Return of the King on a laptop behind us, and the music and dialogue kept invading my thoughts, distracting me greatly. Elijah Wood in front of me and behind me--it was heavenly.

I now find myself with a mild case of insomnia. I have found homework to be a great cure for this problem. I think I shall meander toward my books this very moment, though not before leaving you with a quote.

(After watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Pimp navigated to the DVD "extras" and found a music video for a song, "Light and Day.")

Boy: What is this?
Pimp: "Light and Day."
Boy: What is this?
Ben: Two words.
Pimp: You mean thr--
Ben: (Interrupting) With a second one in between.