a spoonful of random...

bagel me! oh right, jimmy kimmel had funny stuff on, blah blah. bagel!

written at 9:08 a.m. on 05.18.05

I was watching the Jimmy Kimmel show last night, oddly enough, and I was so thoroughly entertained by my findings that I thought I would share.

Ok, first off, he showed a clip of an Oprah show in which this doctor explains that one of three ways to help prolong your life includes listening to your poop as it hits the toilet water. I kid you not. He then proceeded to inform the audience that men pass gas fourteen times a day, women pass gas fourteen times a day, and that all that meant that everyone in the audience and even the hostess had already passed gas that day. The look on Oprah's face was priceless. Oh wait, then, Dr. Poop went on to show a short video clip showing how your bowel movements scrunch up in your intestines and even how they are released through your rectum. Fascinating stuff, folks..

Once we were done poking fun at Oprah's doctor guest and his poop fetish, it was time to digest the news that some guy found a human fingertip in his frozen custard. Apparently, one of the workers lost a fingertip in some freak on-the-job accident and let it become part of some guy's meal. Umm.. gross?

The fun don't stop, yo! So, apparently some of the most enthusiastic fans at Cher's "final concert" were donning U.S. military apparel. That's right, they were standing there, looking oh-so-official, babbling insanely about what big Cher fans they were and how many concerts they'd seen. Jimmy went on to say exactly what was on my mind. "This is why the world's powers are no longer intimidated by our military."

And.. then I stopped paying attention to the show 'cause I was talking to Jason on the phone. I do want to note that biker shorts should always be black. Need proof? Click here.

Alright, time for me to go get some breakfast. (I viewed the picture last night, so I've recovered from wanting to vomit.) AH! Excellent timing. My mom just called to offer me an amazng trade-off. My dad is coming home to get his pager, which he apparently left behind, and if I meet him at the door with it, I get an asiago cheese bagel from Panera Bread. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Yes, I'm spoiled. Shut up.

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