i'm not really shallow, i promise. i just like to rant when i'm bored.

written at 5:07 p.m. on 06.21.05

My, my.. I cannot believe what a girly-girl I have become. One used to find me wearing hand-me-down tees and shorts from my best friend Tami, donning a minimal amount of make-up (mascara and lip-gloss, if anything), and coordinating outfits as often as a shooting star comes down to smite the person who wishes upon it.

It is from these humble roots that an almost-stereotypical female has arisen. My toenails and fingernails are painted to match my carefully-chosen clothing ensembles. My body is adorned in sophisticated jewelry that sweetly complements the other accessories I find myself toting, including a purse--both simple and elegant--and a pair of shoes--generally of the dainty, sexy, kitten-heel variety. The outfit I wear is chosen with the guiding thoughts of Stacey and Clinton from TLC's "What Not To Wear" dominating my picking process. Though mascara and lip-gloss are still my two favorite cosmetics, they are not alone in decorating my face in the natural, yet flattering manner which I so desire to achieve.

I look over that paragraph and wonder how many volumes of Seventeen magazine, how many episodes of "What Not To Wear," and how many trips to the mall it took to truly change my mind about fashion and the outward appearance.

I do the things I do now because I do truly believe that how I look is important. I do often "dress to impress" because, whether I like it or not, people do make judgments based on appearance these days. If I go to a job interview wearing the rags I stole off the back of a dying homeless man, I am not very likely going to give the impression that I respect my body and my profession enough to pull together a nice outfit. Beyond all this first impression crap, there is the fact that I really do feel better about my body when it is dressed in a flattering manner. While men have an implant in their brain to alert them when their children are messing with the thermostat (Family Guy reference! w00t!), women seem to have an instinctive need to feel good about their appearance. Obviously, females are naturally the more attractive portion of the human race, so we must do our best to preserve that balance and to keep ourselves looking smashingly fabulous.

I was inspired to write this entry after spending a good portion of my day shopping with my grandmother and mother, then sitting down to paint my fingernails in anticipation of my very first pedicure (scheduled for tomorrow morning). I am altogether certain that most of my friends would frown upon the idea of actually caring about appearance. Most find such an attempt to be frivolous and unnecessary and probably sinful. They then wonder why they have low self-esteem and poor body image...

Now on to a completely unrelated topic. I have been ranting for some time now at my Xanga in regards to my generation's general tendency to be illiterate. It is frightening and disturbing how many of my friends and acquaintances cannot spell, do not read much, have alarmingly limited vocabularies, and possess relatively no grammatical knowledge whatsoever. After dedicating several entries to the subject, it was only while I was washing my face tonight that I was hit with a saddening new thought--these friends of mine are fluent in zero languages. Can you imagine applying for a job after admitting to fluency in not even a single language? It's an astonishing thought.

It then leads me to wonder, if these people in my life are disinterested in fashion, in style, in reading, in writing, in speaking, in general acamedic excellence, and (most importantly) in the Lord and Savior in whom they claim to place their faith and trust and lives... What holds their interest? What consumes their time? What is of value, if not being the best person one can possibly be in every aspect of life? Maybe I am looking at their lives through my perfectionist eyes again. Maybe I'm the one with the unusual passion for every part of life that I am offered. Maybe I'm the crazy one who needs to sit down and re-evaluate my life and my goals.

Maybe. Maybe not.

EDIT: I didn't mean to make it sound like make-up and clothes and English are my life. Rather, I just happened to be on a roll with those topics. It's great to focus on the truly important things in life, like helping others and serving those around you. However, it wouldn't kill some people to broaden their horizons a bit to sometimes do a little somethin-somethin for themselves.

And now I feel the sudden urge to delete this entry before I get tons of hate-mail. Maybe I'll just post again really fast to cover up this one.