queen for a day
written at 9:21 p.m. on 04.28.04
Well, that was bizarre. I just finished reading Rachel's Holiday, another great book by Marian Keyes. I've been listening to the public radio station and all the classical goodness that comes forth from that. What was so bizarre was that as I was finishing the book, I noticed that some great overture was coming to a grand finale, one of those songs where every member of the orchestra plays ten measures of big finale-type "dun dun dun dun DUUNNNNNN!!!" stuff. That probably didn't make much sense at all, but hopefully somebody knows what I'm talking about. In any case, it felt like the credits should have started rolling right then and there, as I was finishing the book. Strangely enough, the last page of the book is acknowledgements, a bookish form of credits, so it worked. The next song even sounded like credit music. In any case, I found it bizarre.
So, I don't like writing in spurts like this, but it's just going to be the way things are until I get out of the house. Ye olde parents change their minds on rules for the internet and such more often than I crave Lord of the Rings and chocolate combined.
My dreams have been pretty weird lately. I've been dreaming about being royalty, or at least about being rich. I think it might have something to do with the fact that Allison and Noel kept insisting that I looked like a queen at Formal. I still can't figure out why I was sitting so straight the whole night, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I was a little tense and uncomfortable for a number of reasons. Oh, and Mr. Marsh, my history teacher, said that I looked very stately as I walked past him. Apparently, these comments have fed some inner part of my brain, which is now creating hilarious dreams in which I actually am a queen. My dad has been calling me Princess since I was born. All in all, this nonsense had better stop before I get my hopes up too high. Devestation is not a pleasant emotion to experience, so if it's alright with the rest of the world, I'd like to avoid it as much as possible. (I was voted "Most Likely to Succeed" and "Most Likely to Become President"... that's kinda like being royalty...)
Oh, oddly enough, the faculty found our pranks really amusing. No offense was taken. Jonathan (a senior) apologized for the slightly offensive incidents at last week's senior chapel, and it seems safe to say that the sky is no longer falling. In fact, the sky is clear and the sun is being pretty friendly as of late. I don't want to jinx anything, but the weather has been unusually agreeable, and I'm really grateful. Sunshine always puts me in a good mood. All the more reason to go to college in Texas.
It is official, by the way. I'm really going to college in Texas. I'm trying not to think about the fact that it's in the middle of nowhere (sort of). I'm trying to ignore the fact that almost all my friends are staying in the Chicagoland area to go to college and that I could have been with them if I would have gone to Roosevelt. I'm also avoiding thoughts dealing with the lack of music at LeTourneau and the annoying internet restrictions that I'm going to have to deal with.
Who am I fooling? I'm second-guessing myself every other second. Did I make the right choice? Too late now to change my mind. Will I be happy? Will all my friends end up having the time of their lives hanging out in Chicago.. without me? Will I be the forgotten classmate left to die in Texas? How the crap am I going to survive without music? Am I going to burn, or will I eventually get my first tan? Am I doomed to marry one of the thousands of computer geeks at LeTourneau? I'm not going to pick up an annoying Southern accent, am I? Will these questions ever end?!! YAR!
I must admit, all this pressure about college and the future has made my positively irritable. It's getting to that point where I really don't want to see my classmates for a long, long time. Seeing the same twenty-some people every day gets to be exhausting. Little flaws seem to be the most obnoxious things, dumb jokes seem more dumb than usual.. Basically, rational thoughts go flying out the window. I'm at the point where I decide who I'm going to be nice to and when, what jokes I'll laugh at and which antics will be amusing. There is no logic, I make these decisions entirely on a whim. You know, the very same whim that is sitting on my lap this very moment, begging to be taken for a walk. (Sorry, it momentarily bothered me that people talk about whims all the time but only .005% of the population could come up with a definition for "whim." Only three people wouldn't be giving you some crappy, made-up-on-the-spot answer.)
See, now I'm getting irritated at words. I'm annoying myself by talking about stupid stuff. I'm just extremely moody. I've been reading too many books. Books tend to make me hate reality. In reality, there isn't always a happy ending, and gosh darn it, I want a happy ending. I want Prince Charming to show up and sweep my off my feet, carrying me off to the land of living happily ever after.
Yikes. Listen to me. I'm pretty sure Prince Charming wouldn't come within a mile of this much crankiness. Eh, I'm having fun at my pity party, even if no one else is. I'm off to enjoy a few more hours of pouting before my logical side butts in a kicks me in the shin. "What the crap are you doing, Rachel? You live a very good life, you have everything going for you, and you moan like you're a dying orphan in Iraq. Snap out of it."
My pity party will come to an end, and the rest of me will agree. "You're right, Logical Side. A princess should pin a smile on her face, at least in the presence of the dear, little peasants."
The Logical Side gloats in another victory, responding, "I'm always right." Then the Realistic Side rears its ugly head and screams, "You know you're not really a princess, right?" Meanwhile, all my dreamy little bubbles are popped and .. and .. I can't think of what happens next. Umm.. many eye-patch-wearing midget pirates come to rescue me, the damsel in distress. I am so amused by the midge pirates that I become eternally happy.. in other words, I live happily ever after.
So, I just read my guestbook, and it seems that there is a mini-conversation going on concerning the senior prank. Hmm. Ok.
::Break for dinner and a frappuccino::
Weird!! My grandma called.. to talk to me. She talks to my mom every day, but she never ever talks to anyone else. She's the coolest grandma ever, so I think she's just respecting my hatred of phone conversations. Anywho, she called to talk about formal with me. That was cool. Also cool, Silky (Kyle) called me when I was actually home, so I got to talk to him for a while. It's nice to talk to people like that who I never see.. talking not on AIM, that is.
Umm, I'm out of time for writing, though I do have many more rambles in store. It's funny how I always have a lot to say when I'm pressed for time and nothing to say when I have all the time in the world. It's just high-larious, I tell ya.
Anywho, this is it, I guess... the end.. how sad.. Goodbye, world.
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