a spoonful of random...

must have control, darn it!

written at 1:40 a.m. on 10.24.04

I hate getting into this kind of mindset this early in my college career. I came here thinking, "Man, this is a fresh start. I can do my homework, prove myself academically, get great grades, maybe find a friend or two to study with, and voila!"

I could not have been more wrong. It irritates me to no end that I can't break this habit. Being a control freak, I literally freak out when I can't control something, especially something about myself. I hate this inability to overcome my weaknesses, this involuntary surrendering unto myself. It's wretched, absolutely wretched.

To make matters worse, I have been on the cranky and depressed end of things for several weeks straight. Granted, I'm cranky cuz I'm stressed, but I'm also stressed cuz I'm cranky. Both are inhibiting my efficiency, and neither are benefiting my health. Gah.

I think it's time for a serious stairwell session. It's one of my favorite places to go to think. I'm not sure why that is. I'm one of those weird people who has dedicated places for everything. When I want to do homework, I go to the study lounge. When I want to sleep or chat online or blog, I come to my room. When I want to watch TV, I go to the suite lounge. When I want to think, I go to the stairwell. I guess I'm a creature of habit. That's why I really need to make a habit of going to class and doing my homework on time. Without a habit and a place in my schedule, it ain't happenin, unless it's something that brings me joy or entertainment.

Oh man, I'm sniffling like crazy. It reminds me of that entry I wrote way back in the day. I wrote like my nose was clogged up. I'm bored, so I'm gonna go back and find it... Hold on.. Ok, going all the way back to July of 2002, here it is! (Opens in a new window.) It's from the days of no capitalization and internet slang up the wazoo. Sigh. Gotta love those days.

Or not.

Anywho, this cold is really getting to me. I have this intense desire to go to bed but I really want to write, too. We'll see. Oh gosh, wave of tiredness just hit me over the head. Definitely no options left. Off to bed I go! Later, y'all!

:: before :: after