i've lost my marbles. no really, i can't find them anywhere.

written at 10:11 p.m. on 06.18.04

Home, Sweet Home!!

Wow, it has been ages since I've been here. Diaryland and I have had a hard time coordinating our schedules. Whenever I'm allowed time on the computer, Diaryland is sick, and all other times, I'm busy working or appeasing my mother or other endless, unpleasant things.

So, a little update on life, eh? Ok, well, imagine I said something like, "Ooo! Look at how cheap that TV is! That'd be a cool thing to have at college!" Continue imagining. My parents would then step up and say, "Psh. You say that as if going to college is a sure thing! Hahaha!" thereby effortlessly smashing my hopes and dreams with an unwelcome dose of reality. In other words, the finances necessary for me to attend LeTourneau University have not yet been secured. I'm beginning to panic.

Oh right, I'm also beginning to doubt my choice of school. That's exciting. I mean, good gravy, I can't afford to go the college I selected, much less afford to change my mind. But, that doesn't stop me from wondering. The weather here in the Chicago area is heating up a bit, and of course, my mom is stubbornly refusing to turn on the air conditioning. The fact that warm weather is making me miserable makes me question my motivation for moving to Texas for four years. Oh, and everywhere I turn, someone is asking me where I'm going to college, and then immediately following up my answer with the question, "So, you're going to study music?" What?! NO! LeTourneau doesn't even have a music program, but the fact that everyone expects me to logically study music has me questioning my own logic. What AM I doing studying business? I love music! I love web design! What the crap am I doing in business?! Granted, I liked accounting class, but.. GAH! I'm so confused.

Meanwhile, back to the finances problem. I was supposed to get a second part-time job or a replacement full-time job, but nothing worked out. Target never called me back, and I was supposed to call them, but I'm too chicken. As a result, I'm wasting away the entire summer. Earning next to nothing. And hating myself for it. Hating myself more for starting sentences with "and" while filling up space with fragments. I hate being such a perfectionist!!

The one TV show I bonded with today was Monk. I tried watching that show with my mom last year, but she's a die-hard fan of Murder She Wrote and Perry Mason and Diagnosis Murder and all her favorite shows. She wanted nothing to do with this new show. I finally watched it today, since USA was having a marathon of Monk. I totally understand the guy! I'm so obsessive compulsive, and to see someone else be the same way.. it was a miracle. A breakthrough. A gorgeous, wonderful thing. I'm not a germophobe or whatever the heck they're called, but I definitely straighten pictures wherever I go, straighten my pencils on my desk, make everything symmetrical, take five hours to cut out a single coupon, take twenty minutes to fill in those freakin bubbles on standardized tests.. That is my new favorite show. I love it, love it, love it!

Another thing I absolutely love is the book The Hours. I bought the book for a trip to Texas.. last year in March. I think I tried to read the book ten times or more, but I only ever got through the prologue and a few pages into the first chapter. It's not boring at all.. umm.. How to describe this.. Ok, well, the other book I bought for that trip was Watermelon, the first Marian Keyes book I ever read. Marian Keyes writes in a very conversational, easy-to-read way. Her books are about four-hundred pages, but I can read 'em in a few hours. One is described as "a bloody good page-turner" or something like that. The Hours is not like that at all. The writing is more complex, but it's really stunning and beautiful language. I am constantly blown away by the talent of Michael Cunningham, the author. Each word is vital to the story, and you don't want to skip a single one of them. He makes you slow down and allow the story to seep into you. I'm making it sound really corny, but really, it's fantastic. I love the book. The story itself is very intriguing. I definitely recommend this book. Of course, I still love Marian Keyes!! My summers wouldn't be the same without some quality down-time reading Watermelon, Rachel's Holiday, Last Chance Saloon, or Angels. I'm actually hoping to spend some of my graduation money getting a few other titles by her. But, first I have to finish The Hours and Catch-22 and Black. Sigh. Reading would be so much more enjoybale if I wasn't feeling so guilty about being broke and needing money for college. Yar.

Oh oh oh! I finally finished that review that I was supposed to do, and I really like the chik's diary. Check out Liz's diary here (opens in a new window).

Well, I'm running out of things to say, so I suppose I should go catch up on all my other computer crap while I have the chance. I'll probably have some horror stories tomorrow, since I work. Working on Saturdays is seriously hellish. I hate, hate, HATE working on Saturdays. Either the store is flooded with too many impatient people, or the place is dead and time ticks be one.. long.. second.. at a time. But, I'm getting ahead of myself and writing tomorrow's complaints before I even get there.

One last complaint for today. I saw a commercial today (while watching a second episode of Monk) for a furniture store. I nearly clawed my eyes out in frustration. It was called "Sofa's, Seat's, & Much, Much More!" WHO #&$*IN LET THESE PEOPLE NAME A STORE WITHOUT RUNNING A GRAMMAR CHECK?!!! GAH!

Pardon me while I go claw out someone's eyes in frustration. Yar matey. Can stupidity be a pet peeve? Does that explain why I'm so cranky all the time? Huh. No one is answering. I suppose I should stop conversing with the voices in my head now. They seem to have fled. They all leave. Everybody leaves me. I'm all alone..... Sob.

Ha. I so desperately need help. I'm turning myself in to the crazy people place. Hopefully they have internet access there.