yes, the news can be funny. you're just watching the wrong channel.

written at 3:44 p.m. on 08.13.05

Thursday night, I decided to pull an all-nighter. Man! Do not attempt outside of a college campus!

I ran out of things to keep me awake around noon-time. Up until then, I had been watching the news and some of those stupid courtroom TV shows. Judge Hatchett, Judge Whosit, Judge Idunno... the whole line-up. I actually only got through one episode of Judge Hatchett before my friends started to wake up and show up online.

So yeah, as I watching the news, I came to the startling conclusion that Fox News (Are there two Fox Newses or am I imagining things? This one is not on cable and is just stupid local people making fools of themselves.) is the most hilarious news program ever. Of course, it's very much unintentional hilarity. It's the kind of hilarity that truly evil people find when others wouldn't.

Yeah, so the weather lady.. Michelle Lee or something.. Well, she's blonde. Very blonde. She had me laughing out loud at the ghastly hour of 5am. "It's not going to be a complete wash-out, but we are gonna get a few showers. If you're going outside, you might want to think about an umbrella, especially if you're going outside."

It did take a second for my brain to wrap around that bundle of nonsense, but once it did, I was throwing my head back and laughing hardcore.

Oh, and then this story that they covered about Com-Ed. Apparently, one of Com-Ed's buildings went up in flames, cutting power to 80 gazillion people. They had all but like 7000 people back in powerness by yesterday morning's news, but they were still interviewing locals who were out picking up their free water bottles, flashlights, and food coupons from Com-Ed. Their complaints? "I couldn't put my contacts in this morning." The lady who said that was laughing as she said it, as if that was the only real problem and that it wasn't too dramatic. But then, scrawny Drama Queen walks up to the camera and says, "The most difficult part of last night was when.. *dramatic pause* I had to give the cat insulin.. *another pause* by flashlight."

Oh horrors! Pull the troops out and send them to your house!

*Much rollage of the eyes over here.*

The most exciting and disturbing part of the newscast was when they had Ryan Seacrest of American Idol live on the show. I find him to be pretty dang attractive, for the most part. Anyway, the excitement came when he announced that he is now a designer! He has released a new line of designer t-shirts.. starting this release at the Marshall Fields in downtown Chicago!! Chicago pride, baby! Anyway, he was being all not stuck-up about it, and the shirts were pretty hot stuff. I'd buy one.

The only hitch in the whole ordeal was when he brought out a pirate-themed shirt that said, "Some girls walk the runway. She walks the plank." I mean, that's a fricken cool shirt!! But then he opened his mouth and said, "Yeah, the pirate theme is pretty in right now, and blah blah blah." Being a pirate is in? What the deuce? It's like when Switchfoot became trendy! Gah.. such a horrible thing.

Just an official note: I've loved Switchfoot since like.. 7th or 8th grade. And.. I've been a pirate for years now, way before this whole stupid trend.

Rawr. Wannabes.

Hahahahaha.. Oh yeah, then the weather lady. She's sitting at the desk with the other anchors, and she forms her index finger and thumb into a giant "L." And then she makes an "0." And another "L." And then she says, "L-O-L. Laugh out loud." This was all in response to a joke one of the anchors made.

Yipes.

Anyway, I'm off to go grab some cereal. Maybe I'll work up an entry about today's events while I'm down there. Peace out, homies.