Hercules is my boyfriend.

written at 1:42 p.m. on 10.02.06

Ladies and gentlemen, I found out today that I am actually a dude. Not just a manly dude, I'm flat-out Dudetastic.

Let me start this story at the beginning...

I actually woke up in time for class today, and after that, I managed to drag myself to chapel. Huzzah! I get to lunch to find that Rowe is dressed in a skirt and a pink shirt. What the deuce? No man should be wearing more girly clothes than I am at any given point in time. Apparently, it was for his "social deviance" project, for which he must do something that would be considered socially deviant by himself and by others. Cross-dressing definitely fits that bill, particularly at a small Christian college.

After I finally finished ranting about how I was never going to wake up for class again if I had to be greeted by skirt-wearing menfolk, Rowe convinced me to take a test of sorts. Essentially, the test consists of sixty attributes, ranging from "inefficient" to "warm" to "dominant" to "affectionate" and so on. My job was to rate myself on a scale of one to seven, one being that I exhibited that trait almost never, and seven being that I almost always portrayed that characteristic.

The score of this test indicated your masculinity or femininity based on the definitions of each as given by society. Characteristics associated with masculinity included things like leadership, dominance, competitiveness, aggressiveness, etc. Those associated with femininity were more along the lines of compassionate, warm, sympathetic, etc.

A score of -20 was considered the ideal for feminism, whereas a positive score of 20 was inherently masculine.

I SCORED A 29.

I'm Dudetastic.

Boy got an 18, Pimp scored a 21, Danielpants received a -7, and Rowe was the most feminine of us all with a -10. I LOSE.

Or.. I win?

With this said, I was feeling all sorts of awkward, but it's true that I don't embrace characteristics of the warm and fuzzy variety. I'm a pirate, for Pete's sake! We rape and pillage and plunder! No time for nurturing little orphans!

The one thing that I was happy to realize, however, is that I have no desire to "wear the pants," so to speak, for the rest of my life. The guys I generally fall for can hold their own against me. I need a guy who would be not only "dudetastic" but beyond that.. "UBER DUDE." He needs to not only be capable of "wearing the pants," but he needs to freaking run a pants store. And wear all of the pants in the store at the same time. It is only with this Uber Dude that I will be able to embrace the skirts side of Rachelskirts, relinquishing some of my dominant ways to some strong, capable, reliable hunk of a man.

The Quest for the Uber Dude has begun. Meanwhile, Hercules (Boy's beta fish) is my boyfriend, and I'm so going to get a shirt that says so.